Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson (April 13, 1743 – July 4, 1826) (nicknamed Tom) cruised to victory in the 1804 election to become the 3rd President of the United States. He was one of the Founding Fathers who helped George Washington write the Declaration of Independents and was known as the Michelle Bachman of his time, and a living legend. Early Life At a young age Jefferson LOVED TO READ. He probably found great inspiration from the Bible. One thing is for sure, he was a wide eyed youth who loved reading with his eyes wide. Shutting up libtards with his vast knowledge was his favorite past time. Tea Parties Jefferson began attending various tea parties and made friends with fellow patroits such as Ben Franklin and George Washington. A few good men joined up with them and they became the superhero group known as the Founding Fathers. Together they decided it was time to be Independents and no longer pay taxes. The outsiders from Britain could NOT tell Americans what to do. So they wrote the Declaration of Independents and started the Revolution. They knew when making the Bill of Rights to put the most important right at the top: guns. Far and away it is the most important right of all which is why they put it second. We should be able to bear guns all the time which is the definition of freedom. Also, they said NO gay marriage. Look, America was built by STRAIGHT MEN. They did NOT like cock. Tail is there preferred choice just like fine pieces of a@@ like Martha Washington and Abigail Adams. Also I would hit Dolly Madison like the fist of an angry GOD. Revolution Jefferson went to France instead of fighting in the War. He served in the National Guard. However he recognized that this war was literally a war of the worlds greatest superpowers and would determine the future. So he put operation valkyrie into effect which meant that he was going to try and a@@inate the king of England, however his friend Ben Franklin deemed the mission impossible and said they should NOT try to end his reign, mainly focusing instead on defeating the Redcoats who were literally communists. Luckily Washington had all the right moves as Commander in Chef and routed England with no casualties. Jefferson then returned and negotiated the surrender document, with a firm offer of saying that if the Brits withdrew all there troops we would let them live. After the Revolution Jefferson served as George Washington's secretary for a few years but decided that was not a job becoming of a MAN so he ran for President. He appeared at the Republican National Convention and received the longest standing ovation in RNC history, two continuous days of thunderous applause. He won the election easily and banished John Quincy Adams to the island of Elba, then decided to pass Marberry v. Madison which says that activist judges can ruin everything. At this point Jefferson was probably suffering from syphilis which destroyed his brain and he was really losin it. So he and James Madison decided to give up politics and abdicated the WHITE House to James Munro, who was later killed by Magua the last Samurai and final Mohican. Jefferson then retired to Monticello (Magnolia in French) and sired many children including some mulattos. Although he wasnt born on the fourth of July he did die on it, which proves he was a die hard independent. Legacy Jefferson is best remembered for being one of the first Americans to have sex with a black woman. He is also remembered for saying "The tree of liberty must be refreshed with the blood of tyrants" which he was referring to Obama. Obama taps all these people to be his "czars" like Van Jones the green czar which is communism. Green is the color of money which means a CAPITALIST should be in charge. Also he keeps making risky business decisions like cash for clunkers. He also keeps spending money and then selling are debt to China, using the Constution as collateral. This makes Obama a tyrant. Hell libs only voted for Obama because hes a minority, reportedly (we havent seen his birth certificate, he might be white). Little do you know that Obama wont return the favor because hes a racist who hates all vanillas. Killing white people is his end game which was practically revealed in his autobiography which was an interview with the vampire himself. Jefferson is also on the nickle.